Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
