if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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