dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize