Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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