Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
