They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
