I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
