why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
