I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
