so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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