I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
