Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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