I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
