Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
