Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
