Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
