Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this beer tastes like vomit already
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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