quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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