What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
