even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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