i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
