guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ketchup is God's man juice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
