Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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