is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
