how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
