so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
