i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
