ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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