I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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