He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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