You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
