She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
