You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
