i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
