I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
