Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
