with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
