i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need moral support for this bender
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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