We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
