Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
