Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
