Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
