um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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