despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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