I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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