i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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