we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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