U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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