Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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