I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
