If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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