So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
