I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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