She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
