i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
