Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
