I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
