So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
