everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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