How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
worst night to have a conscience
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
