I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
