his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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