So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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