Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
