If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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