would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
