She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
