...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize