We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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