well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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