At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
