im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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