I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize