I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
