You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
